Mondays

Every Monday we call into our adpotion agency and we can listen to a recorded update. These updates include the number of referrels from the last week, any acceptances, and travel information. Usually I am on edge and a bit frustrated on Mondays...first off because I am not sure if there will be good news, bad news, or no news since some weeks it is not updated until Wednesdays...grrrr. Anyway today I am trying something new, I am trying to have faith. I know this seems like something obvious, however it has not been my normal route to take. Throughout this adoption process I have constantly thought "why me?" That "me" focus has taken much of my joy and has made me lose sight of the fact that God put us in this place and He is directing the course. I have NO control in this, but I know who has complete control over our journey. So today I am letting go of my selfish focus and trying to instead allow God to use this situation for His will and not mine.
Yesterday at church, our pastor had us come to the cross and put on it any sin or burden we have been carrying. I put my pride at the cross and accepted His will. I feel so free today and really hopeful! Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." I am working on doing that exact thing and trusting that God is fighting for me. How awesome!

Where to begin?

Our journey through adoption has taken a detour. When we went to the information meeting last August, we believed we would be bringing home a 10 month old baby by this fall. However, due to changes in the South Korea process, we hope to bring home a toddler by next summer. How my plans have changed. It was a bitter pill to swallow as they say, as I let go of my plans and accepted God's will. Though I accept His will, I hurt and long for a second child. Though 2 years to adopt doesn't sound so bad, it must be added to the 2 years of praying to get pregnant that came before. So here I am, looking for some encouragement and a forum to share my story and help me face a long wait ahead.
Today I read through Psalm 56 and all I can say is "wow." "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?...this I know, that God is for me...In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid."
Is that possible? How often God tells me to not fear and to trust Him. Yet, I am afraid...I am afraid we will never get our referrel (we are at 8 months waiting), I am afraid I cannot handle 11 months to bring our child home, and really I am afraid that when our baby comes home I will be in over my head. There are days I barely survive the one I have! However, those fears that feel so real are NOT truth. The truth is that God has been at my side through this journey, He holds my tears, and tells me to not fear. So I will press on and see where this goes. For today I will trust and be thankful for a God who cares so deeply.