tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20193829554010882652024-03-13T12:38:40.536-07:00Waiting 4 HimThoughts regarding adoption, family, and faith.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-9183028293735841672013-12-04T13:45:00.000-08:002013-12-04T13:45:27.990-08:00Baby StepsAs it snows all over the place outside I have a quiet moment to process where we are in "the process" of our second adoption. Elijah's feels so long ago yet he will just have his third "Gotcha Day" this next February. Not much has moved. Our friend took 2 weeks to complete his reference (sigh) and so we have to wait to attend our orientation meeting this month instead of last month. Our Orientation meeting will go towards our 24 education hours required by China and Colorado. So next Friday, we will begin taking more active steps such as working on our dossier. For now our baby steps are background checks for 4 states (man we have moved a lot!!). As well as a stack of basic forms and such. This momma wants to go in "Mission Mode" as my friend always says, but I must instead be steadfast and wait for all the small pieces to come together into something wonderful, my daughter.
While I am waiting, I have started to listen to old pod casts from Creating a Family. Wonderful reminders about adopting a toddler, and trans-racial adoption. Even though I have been there in a sense I know it will feel so new. Elijah with with a foster mother who loved him dearly, our new baby girl with have been in orphanage care. Very different experiences. I am also trying to prepare for our daughter's medical needs. We are doing a Waiting Child adoption and there are so many pieces to consider. What does having a child with a major heart issue look like, cleft lip and palate?, can I truly parent a deaf child or child missing a limb. The answers are of course "yes" but there are quiet moments when fear wants to get the better of me. I need to know my God is big and mighty and in charge. He has this! He knows me and He knows the little girl he has for me...I can trust Him. I say that more for myself than anyone.
Had the blessing of meeting a few really awesome moms who have adopted from China. It was so special to hear them share their stories and it made me so excited for all that the future holds.
Well my next post will be as I process the Orientation meeting and jump into the dossier...should be fun!Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-19963884197630225782013-11-10T06:27:00.000-08:002013-11-10T06:27:14.721-08:00Who will she be?As I write this I am sipping coffee and listening to the sweet voices of my daughter and niece playing Barbies in the basement. Though it has been almost 3 years since I have chosen to write, I had the urge this morning. Why? Well on Saturday, we turned in our initial application to adopt...for our second time. I feel such a mix of peace and fear, joy and apprehension. This mix feels confusing and yet right.
For the last 2 years life has been full of a lot of "new". We moved back to CO, bought a house, and have been working to find normal. I feel like as I sit here, we are living a life that feels very comfortable and perhaps that is the issue. It is easy to sit in my warm home, enjoying the fact my kids bedtimes and wake times are perfectly predictable, and think this is what really matters, comfort. But when you follow Christ, comfortable is rarely good.
So the hubs and I have been praying for what God has for us and we believe it is a little girl through the China Waiting Program. Here in CO we have found an amazing agency and we are so happy. But whew...filling out our medical checklist was (again) so hard! So we keep praying for the best God has for us and asking him to show us the way.
So I guess what sits in my heart this morning is who will she be? What will she look like? Where is she now? Is she even born at this time? I feel like Mary trying the treasure this moment in my heart because I know it is the start of something wonderful.
Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-33084110995341924202011-07-17T15:49:00.000-07:002011-07-17T16:02:26.256-07:00The LossesI have 2 videos and dozens of pictures from Eli's foster mother in Korea...However, I have yet to watch the videos and have a hard time looking through his pictures and the beautiful album she made for us. I am so blessed to have these beautiful items to give to my son, but selfishly (ugh) each picture of his beautiful smiling foster mom, the care it took to take videos of him, and the effort she put into the scrapbook remind me how much she loves him and I took him away. <br />Does this make any sense? It has bothered me for days...I cannot look at these items and the love she has for him or read his letters from her and not feel like I am the cause of a great loss in her life. He was her one and only foster child and now he is gone. She was with him when he had surgery and through so many hospital visits. She loves him. He was not her "job", she is his mother in Korea as she signed her last letter. <br />Finally, I looked through the pictures for a second time with my kids and picked out a sweet photo of Eli at 8 months old before coming home. It is framed next to a photo of Hannah at the same age. I also plan to frame a picture of Eli and his "Umma" and one of all of us together on his Gotcha Day. I guess my point is that I am trying to face this struggle head on for my son and I guess that is the best I can do for today.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-61258418082614034202011-07-12T19:30:00.000-07:002011-07-12T19:46:58.150-07:00One Year Ago Today...We Said Yes!On this day last year, we committed to be Elijah's family. I think of the fear I felt looking at all of the concerns that were connected with a "27 weeker." The what if's and the peace that finally came when we followed God's will and said "yes". We committed our lives and love to him and I am so thankful for how healthy and strong he grows daily. He hits every milestone and amazes me with how much he wants to learn new things everyday. <br />Our celebration today consisted of mommy getting 3 hours of sleep, since Eli had a high fever through the night, a fussy little man, and finally cuddling at the doctor's office after they finished checking for strep, the flu, and a finger stick just to make sure not a virus. I could not help but smile as we cuddled awaiting the results, he was home. I get to be the one with him at the doctor, kissing his boo-boo's and holding him when he is sick. He wants his "ma ma" and knows he can trust me. <br />I thanked God for leading us to our son, as Eli and I shared some Wendy's fries in the car on our way home. I was so afraid to say "yes" a year ago, but God was so faithful. He knew we needed each other and He gave me the desire of my heart.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-58838255812186676772011-02-14T09:51:00.000-08:002011-02-14T10:07:11.637-08:00The OxenSo I made a deal with myself and in honor of my God that I would curb my complaining about life in general. I felt convicted by the Israelites and wanted to bring life with my words and not destruction. Well today I was challenged! My sweet son still struggles with day and night, toss some teething in there and voila he woke up every hour on the hour and needed comforted to sleep. Hannah, my sweet early riser was up at 6:15 and I need sleep to be chipper (and lots of caffeine). So over and over today I continued to repeat the words from Psalm 40 "you put a new song in my mouth a song of praise to my God", over and over and over. And eventually took my over tired little guy and energetic girlie bean to the park. As we returned home we reached nap time. I made it with a half smile on my face! So I took a moment to read my Bible and God spoke some encouragement I wanted to pass along: "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, But much revenue comes by the strength of the ox." Proverbs 14:4...How does this fit? Well I immediately thought, with out children (oxen) my house would be clean, laundry done and folded (:, I would be well rested, taxes completed, and no spit up on my shirt. However, my kids bring me so much life and love. I love being a mom. I love the sweet cuddles, happy smiles, and have not even minded the diapers back in the mix of my life. It is amazing how God can work beyond our exhaustion, our frustration, and my selfish nature and allow me to be the mom He wants me to be! So bring on the oxen and the riches they come with, I will clean the manger with a smile!Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-28765678346332168632011-02-08T14:00:00.001-08:002011-02-08T14:26:18.245-08:00Finding Normal<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TVHCqbIAIpI/AAAAAAAAADo/4cO5uUUZIZc/s1600/DSCF1773.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TVHCqbIAIpI/AAAAAAAAADo/4cO5uUUZIZc/s200/DSCF1773.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571448248125629074" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TVHCqKXz7vI/AAAAAAAAADg/lHurYsndibU/s1600/DSCF1771.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TVHCqKXz7vI/AAAAAAAAADg/lHurYsndibU/s200/DSCF1771.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571448243628535538" /></a><br />Well the jet lag is beginning to fade and Eli is feeling pretty good with mom, when he is not tired and knows dad is around some where. He smiles and we play but cuddles are most freely given to sister and dad. Yesterday he kissed Hannah on the cheek, he picks things up so fast. Our biggest challenge has been his attachment to dad, however we are making steps towards him accepting me as a permanent feature. I read about 1 parent attachment and found comfort in the fact that many children cope this way and 75% attach to dad, whew it's not me! SO I feed him his bottles and meals, give him his baths, and cuddle when we can. I was encouraged today how much he let me do even when dad was around. Progress not perfection. Tomorrow dad heads to work and we will pray for the best. I keep reminding myself it has been 1 week and its good for a boy to adore his dad.<br />As for fitting in the family, well he loves to dance to music and likes me to sing to him. Music is always on in our house! I managed to get him to sit in his high chair for 5 minutes and color a picture with Hannah. They they played Barbies with dad and I helping keep small pieces out of Eli's mouth. He likes to brush their hair. I found this out because earlier that day he wanted to brush my hair so I suggested he might like the Barbie brush. Dad was not pleased with this compromise, he preferred Eli biting them! Ha ha! I see so much of Hannah in Eli and cannot wait to see how that grows and changes.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-36498087193710161102011-02-05T18:47:00.000-08:002011-02-05T19:39:31.543-08:00What a Marathon<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TU4WVlNcg-I/AAAAAAAAADY/O11Bp08dNiA/s1600/DSCF1684.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TU4WVlNcg-I/AAAAAAAAADY/O11Bp08dNiA/s200/DSCF1684.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5570414349125452770" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TU4WVdNnn6I/AAAAAAAAADQ/v49aQYG-lK4/s1600/DSCF1649.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TU4WVdNnn6I/AAAAAAAAADQ/v49aQYG-lK4/s200/DSCF1649.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5570414346978697122" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TU4WVKQ-40I/AAAAAAAAADI/B3lDdOZmcBc/s1600/DSCF1643.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TU4WVKQ-40I/AAAAAAAAADI/B3lDdOZmcBc/s200/DSCF1643.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5570414341892531010" /></a><br />What a crazy last few days! Our internet was hit and miss at best so here I sit during my first few quiet moments and think, where do I even begin?<br />Tuesday- We met Eli and his foster mother at the agency. It was amazing to walk into the room and see his foster mother and him. There he was real and looking wonderful. I had my expectations in check and he did let me interact with him a bit and even hold him for a moment to show him a toy. He is very busy and into everything! I think what amazed me most was the kindness of his "umma" as she smiled and told us all about him. She wanted to know why Hannah was not there and longed to meet her. She also blessed us with so many beautiful gifts since he was her first and would be her last. I think the letting go was hard for all of her family! Not all families have this and we did not expect it, it was a blessing from a woman who loved him so much. We said good-bye and spent the afternoon processing at the Seoul North Tower. <br />Wednesday- "Gotcha Day" We were able to take Eli home to the hotel because the agency was to be closed the next 3 days for Lunar New Year (were not informed by our specialist oops!). This was hard to see as his "umma" processed her good-bye and shared her heart with us. As we walked to the car to leave, she bravely carried him, looked me in the eye and held my hand. We just looked at each other and I knew she was letting go and giving him over to my care. She told him to go to his "umma", kissed him and gave him to me. Eli did not express anything, he was really strong and confused. At the hotel he would cry for her every 45 minutes or so and I would hold him and share his sorrow. Here he was, in my arms forever. We just watched him and were comforted by the details his foster mother gave us of all his likes and dislikes. He is crazy for bath time and I had to keep him from diving into the bathtub every time we had the door open.<br />Thursday-Eli attached to daddy...so since that day on he is not sure about me and always asks for his "abba." He loved his foster dad so we think that is the connection. Poor John, he works so hard. He has had to change diapers and everything else! I am in the support position and not sure how I like this place. I am just working to be patient and take the smiles and the few cuddles I can get. He has the cutest smile and I just cannot help but kiss his head and hold him when he lets me (when he is eating)!<br />Friday- Heading home! Eli had hives the first day we picked him up and as of Friday we ran out of medicine. So we scrambled through the airport for medicine and waited patiently in the play area to head out! I will confess I was able to sleep a bit more than daddy since whenever Eli could not see John he cried. The Korea air flight attendants were amazing and lovely though I got a bit frustrated when they wanted to carry him. How do you say no? But yea for attachment to dad, Eli wanted to come back quickly to daddy and did not like being carried by others. I keep reminding myself attaching is safe for him and healthy! Friday afternoon he met sister, was a bit overwhelmed by everything and started wheezing. So off to the doctor! Not a fan of the car seat but survived. Welcome to the nebulizer! I am so glad we have been through it all with Hannah! This is why he came home, so we could direct his care and know he is getting all he needs.<br />Saturday- breathing sounds better and he has let me do a little for him. Dad left for a couple of errands to give us some time to trust. He cried, played, cried, and he fell asleep in my arms. So now he sleeps and I am thankful to have him. Love being his mom and we have a lifetime to fall in love. As John said, he will soon learn mom is the more reliable one ha ha!<br />Sorry for the long update, just needed to process and share life today. He is precious and such a gift.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-19455080270191421462011-01-28T02:53:00.000-08:002011-01-28T03:09:12.689-08:00The CribOn Monday morning we received the call that our precious son is ready to come home! The travel call, the thing I have read about in all my books of preparation and never really believed we would receive. Our son is ready to come home and he is so darling. We received pictures of him in his dashing little helmet and I just cannot believe in a matter of a couple days I will be in the same room with my little boy. My heart overflows and I just cannot help saying to God "I have seen your goodness in the land of the living." <br />Though I have had a child before, my sweet girl, I have never been HERE before. Packing clothes in 3 different sizes just in case, trying to figure out the best diapers to bring and what snack he might like... Though this can feel a bit challenging, it doesn't feel scary. With my first I was full of fear, of doing it all wrong or of not being what she needs. However, with Eli I just feel thankful and excited. I don't feel like buying the wrong bottles is a massive failure and I do not feel afraid to just keep praying and trying new things until it works. I just want to be near him and know him. To soak in being his mommy and love him through his hurts and joys. <br />So where does the crib fit? Well I have not cried once since we found out he would be coming home early. I have been elated and joyful but no tears of joy until the other night when we were setting up his crib. I have waited for 3 years to see this crib up and going again. It was February of 2008 when we started trying for #2 and here we are in February again, God is good. <br />I look at the crib in our room with a Cubs blanket proudly displayed and a dolphin Pillow Pet his sister picked out for his Birthday and I am overwhelmed with emotion. The time is here. Tuesday I will meet my son and Wednesday we will start our lives together.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-50288505976079774002011-01-18T04:02:00.000-08:002011-01-18T04:19:42.520-08:00Do Not Forget<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TTWFVoRVukI/AAAAAAAAAC8/0GtKJB_2t3M/s1600/eli%2Bone%2Byear.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 143px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TTWFVoRVukI/AAAAAAAAAC8/0GtKJB_2t3M/s200/eli%2Bone%2Byear.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5563499521320008258" /></a><br />To put it mildly I am amazed and excited to see God's hand during this season of life! A mom who adopted 13 years ago from Korea helped us to get Eli's helmet (correct some of the flatness from being a preemie), He was moved up to the first group for visas, and now...are you ready?...He is already out of the Korean embassy after 1 week not 4-8! It appears the social worker was telling a woman at the embassy about Eli's little helmet and how neat he is about it and the agent processed him that day. We could get a travel call ANY DAY! <br />At this moment I am filled with amazement and gratitude to the Lord. But I also know that I too feel anxious about the unknown. I was laying in bed worrying about his transition. When should I take him to each specialist for his minor stuff? Where will he sleep first, our bed or his bed? Will his really loud yet loving sister keep him awake? And on and on and on I went down the rabbit hole of worry. <br />Then this morning during my quiet time the Lord brought a verse to me that I have been reading and thinking on lately. Dt. 8:2 says "You shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these 40 years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commandments." Infertility and adoption have been my wilderness and yet he has provided in ways I could not have imagined. Yet the last few nights I have allowed worry over circumstances and the unknown to steal my joy and my sleep. I have been thankful but I have fallen into my usual pattern of self reliance instead of trust. Kinda like "ok God you took the big stuff now I shall worry and fret my way through the details." Israel grumbled that the army of Egypt would kill them and God parted the Sea. They grumbled that they had no refreshment and God brought it 2X and they grumbled they had no food and He gave manna and quails. Over and over God tested them and they failed. They would forget his last miracle and move on unchanged. So this morning my prayer is that I will allow this miracle in my life to really change my attitude and to seek to trust God in everything without complaining when I am challenged. Priscilla Shirer puts it this way "Don't let the hunger you feel today cause you to complain and forget His past goodness in your life."Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-76316075696923574672011-01-07T13:49:00.000-08:002011-01-07T14:24:45.535-08:00My Little GirlIn the next few months my life is going to change dramatically. My little girl is heading to preschool and I am not sure I am ready for it! To say good-bye to the baby girl phase and watch her begin to have some independence is a challenge. Yes there are days when I would give anything for a break, but right now I just want to soak in time with her being just mine. <br />I love to watch her play Barbie, cuddle while we watch Veggie Tales, have tea parties with PBJs or to just listen to her talk about life. She asks the best questions and we can talk about anything and everything. Yesterday she told me she wishes I had a baby in my tummy. I told her that I was glad she grew in my tummy, but that I am so glad that God had a perfect plan to give us Eli. She hugged me a we prayed for God's best for our family, whatever that is. Those are moments I cannot get enough of as her mommy. <br />As I watch a baby doll go for a ride in a dump truck I just opened, I realize how blessed I am and how much I look forward to learning life with two kiddos! I also realize that it feels weird to be finding spots for trucks and airplane pj's.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-40141451628835361012011-01-05T12:07:00.000-08:002011-01-05T12:20:04.861-08:00Works All for GoodWow! I have seen so much of God's hand over the last few weeks and barely know how to share. Today we received the call that our paperwork was submitted with the first group for the new visas. What does this mean? Well it means in 4-8 weeks we will receive a call that our paperwork is approved and now waiting for approval from the US embassy. This takes 3-15 days. So we could be bringing our son home end of February or March. It appears that all of Eli's minor hospital visits were motivation to get this little guy home to his family. I am in awe! I don't feel ready and I am not sure where to start...Actually, I will start with our Colorado laundry and getting my Christmas tree down. I will then start sorting through girl stuff to get Hannah's room ready for a baby brother to move in when he is ready. I feel so thankful and full of joy. <br />To be a mommy to two amazing kiddos and to see Eli here to celebrate his big sister's birthday. I could not have imagined it. God is so good, why cannot I not get this?Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-48818948343669541572010-11-29T03:41:00.000-08:002010-11-29T04:11:49.068-08:00Glory?"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was." (John 11:5) As I continued reading this verse a few times, I wondered why I never caught this before. He loved them so he delayed. This just doesn't sit well, it doesn't feel right. When you love someone you help them, come to their aid, try to ease their pain right? Well he goes onto say to the disciples that He delayed so they could see God's glory. <br />I keep forgetting this point in my own life, it's not about me. I feel like it is and the world likes to tell me it is, but as a Christian it's simply not. <br />I was reading through Hebrews 11, Abraham was promised decedents enough to challenge the number of stars in the sky. However, he died with 1 legitimate heir. On the outside if we look at just Abraham and not God's bigger picture, it would appear that God did not keep His promise. However, I can easily see today how God remained faithful to His promise but it all came from God's design and for His glory and not Abraham's glory.<br />Honestly, I am struggling to keep this in mind as I watch the news and try to discern the North and South Korea situation. I feel afraid of losing my son in some way. The country closing, not being able to travel to bring him home or have him escorted, I have no idea, but I am discouraged and afraid that somehow my adoption is going to fall through. And the question that I keep asking myself is where is my faith? I think I have it in the wrong place, focused on the outcome of the process and not on God's glory! Getting to my second child...not on my Creator who gives and takes away. I love music and I have loved the song from Kutless, "I'm Yours". Basically it asks the question "if I lost it all would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away?" It goes on to say that "I'm still yours" that even if I cannot worship my soul will cry out to God. That is my prayer and praise that God NEVER let's me go, even when I question, doubt, and hurt, I am still His. So this morning, I am trying to remind myself that this life is not about me but about God's glory and to pray that no matter where this adoption journey takes me, in the end it's not about my glory, but His.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-87632548002342969302010-11-08T12:23:00.000-08:002010-11-08T12:36:43.488-08:00Lifting my Arms<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhevK_rQAI/AAAAAAAAACs/LGrLS6T7ETM/s1600/DSCF1157.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhevK_rQAI/AAAAAAAAACs/LGrLS6T7ETM/s200/DSCF1157.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537279906350317570" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNheuYTdZPI/AAAAAAAAACk/zHW8naH5fuY/s1600/DSCF1194.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNheuYTdZPI/AAAAAAAAACk/zHW8naH5fuY/s200/DSCF1194.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537279892743087346" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhet2bN4bI/AAAAAAAAACc/kpk24O9FpL8/s1600/DSCF1162.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhet2bN4bI/AAAAAAAAACc/kpk24O9FpL8/s200/DSCF1162.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537279883648819634" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhetcuf6DI/AAAAAAAAACU/LP0iKq9OMpo/s1600/DSCF1158.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhetcuf6DI/AAAAAAAAACU/LP0iKq9OMpo/s200/DSCF1158.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537279876750370866" /></a><br />Two weeks ago on a Tuesday night, I went to my Home Fellowship group, completely broken and really only there because I needed to bring a snack. When we got to prayer requests, I broke down. All I had done that day was lack faith, snap at my child, and wait for an update on our son that never came. I felt like a failure as a mom and friend for pouring out my "stuff" on all of them. But instead of frustration they prayed fervently in love for me. My friend Chris prayed that they would help hold up my arms in this wait for our son, because I am running out of strength. What a perfect description of what they have given to me. They have permitted me to be weak and have willingly picked up my arms to help me maintain this course. All of them have rallied around me lately to pour out the love of Christ in my life. <br />I have received so many offers of help and I have said "yes," I have finally admitted my hurts and they are there to love me through it! Last Sunday we celebrated my son's Birthday. I know, how do you celebrate when someone is not there? Well you celebrate their life, you have rice eating contests, eat cupcakes that look like the Korean flag, do Korean trivia, and pray for a little boy you ALL want to meet! They are on this journey with me and we will ALL rejoice when we see God's goodness.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-71897458610775947922010-11-08T12:03:00.000-08:002010-11-08T12:22:35.892-08:00Korean Food!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhbvMzmQLI/AAAAAAAAACM/7DOPKNUVZ0M/s1600/DSCF1155.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TNhbvMzmQLI/AAAAAAAAACM/7DOPKNUVZ0M/s200/DSCF1155.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537276608301646002" /></a><br />Friday night I made my first Korean dish, Bee-bim-bop. Yes, I got the recipe from a children's book but it was awesome! I even managed to make the egg pancakes without much trouble. Hannah loved it and I have never seen her so excited to get to "mix-mix" her dinner. <br />On Saturday my family was invited to join with others who are waiting for their boys to come home from Korea, as well as 2 families who already have their babies. It was so awesome to share in Korean food at the International Food Festival Open Door Presbyterian church held! Hannah could not get enough of the Korean pancakes or BBQ. Dad was more gutsy and went with the spicy tofu!<br />The best part for me was how encouraging it was to know I am not alone. So often I feel like no one can understand this wait, and yet that is not true. We all talked about our sons we have never met with details only a mommy would know. Their heights and weights and likes and dislikes. There was no need to preface anything with, "I have a little boy we are adopting from Korea...."!<br />We later went to the Korean grocery store, Hanaro, and picked up sweet pancake mix to have at home. What great advice, I am a fan of any food that has a box kit! Though walking around the store, I am not sure I am ready for the amount to seafood. I barely handle salmon on a regular basis!Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-70445381386432644852010-11-08T11:58:00.000-08:002010-11-08T12:03:06.974-08:00MOPS Article about Eli!Good Morning Moms! <br />I love fall! I love football, sweaters, jeans, leaves (I have no yard), and the cool morning air. Fall now holds something even more special for me, my son’s first birthday. I love my son and I am so proud of him. He is amazing and has done so many brave things in his young life. Eli was born at 27 weeks, and was in and out of the hospital for the first 7 months of his life. Yet he is thriving and doing so well! I remember the first smile I saw on his sweet face, it was precious. Do I sound like a proud momma yet? <br />Eli is a light in my day and yet I have never held him or spoke to him. I met my son when I received an email from my adoption agency and I get to watch him grow through pictures. Isn’t that amazing that I know someone so completely and yet he knows nothing about me. He has no idea he has a mom out there so completely in love with him and willing to do anything to bring him home, including piles of paperwork and background checks. <br />I have been thinking a lot about how much I long to feel loved like this, thoroughly known, anticipated, and celebrated. Most of the time I feel tired and under appreciated. Usually people only notice when something is not done such as we are out of socks or toilet paper. Our MOPS verse this year for Momology is “Even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.” This comes from a Psalm about how thoroughly God knows and loves us. When I read this verse I feel, not alone. Even there in my struggles, my daily tasks, my mothering, my joy, and my waiting, He is there. It is just like I am there for my Eli, even though he doesn’t ever feel or seek my help and presence.<br />On November 3, my Eli is turning one and I will not be there, but I will not miss it. We will be celebrating his birth with our close friends and anticipating his arrival home. Is there something you are waiting for or struggling though? Even there.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-14282701096813857522010-10-18T06:24:00.000-07:002010-10-18T06:42:06.149-07:00Joy and LaughterI have never been one to be consistently joyful. I tend to focus on my failues and not my blessings. If one thing in 100 is off, my whole person is focused on the failure and not the many successes. I say this because it is a part of myself that God has been challenging me on lately. <br />Life is never easy and it comes with set backs, however, I take set backs personally and usually try to find how I failed and brought problems into my life. Sometimes because we sin a struggle is my fault, but sometimes they just happen and it has nothing to do with me except that God will use it for my good.<br />I have been doing the study "The Search for Significance" and in it McGee states that perfectionists tend to not have joy. Ah ha. That's me. So now what? I am learning to change my thinking patterns. Not easy, but worth it. Daily I remind myself that I am fully pleasing to God no matter what. The amazing part is that I have been more joyful in my life and mothering. I have smiled more and stressed less. And I have started asking God for help with everything not just what I think I cannot handle. <br />I know it takes time to make habits but I pray for joy no matter what my circumstances or failures. For my eyes to focus on all the good God has done and not simply what doesn't measure up.<br />Job 8:21 "He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouting." What an encouragement and promise.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-54921802116132873842010-09-09T03:16:00.000-07:002010-09-09T03:42:30.620-07:00WalkOver the last month, I have not really known what to say. I feel like my days tend to run together, I simply wait. I hope to hear good news, worry I might hear he was in the hospital again and yet I just wait. I go through the motions of my day, wondering how I am going to make it 10 months, and now 9 months. <br />I have struggled to really study my Bible, at times the word feels painful to hear and so I simply avoid reading. However, a few days ago, I felt challenged to read the book of John. It was the first book I read as a believer and so it felt like a good place to start. I cannot express enough how thankful I am to have God's word. As I have read through this book on the life of Christ, I have been challenged to look at my lack of faith. Over and over he simply loves people and over and over He shares that He seeks to bring God glory and never Himself. I on the other hand think of myself most. I want my three year old to behave so I have less work, I want a baby to cuddle and coo, I want the adoption plan I had it my head a year ago, I want Eli home, I want more free time, I want my husband to read my mind and on and on and on about me. <br />Thankfully, this was never Christ's plan or idea. He came for the Father who sent Him. He came to do God's will in the face of being an outcast, betrayed, hated, and murdered. He came for me, so that in the word I could be set free. Free...how I need to feel that! The story that has stuck with me the most concerns the man at the pool that Christ healed. He told the paralytic, "stand, pick up your mat, and walk," I feel like I have stood (understood I am forgiven), and picked up my mat (let go of my past), but now I need to walk. I need to keep moving forward, no matter what life offers. I get frozen and afraid to move. I do not have to be, I have been set free. Soooo, my prayer is to not to mindlessly survive my life for the next 9 months, but to walk and trust and stop looking at myself all the time and focus on the One who sent me.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-82423582337077093922010-09-09T03:12:00.000-07:002010-09-09T03:15:46.784-07:00Paperwork: Round 2I cannot believe it has been a year since we turned in our last round of paperwork. Of course by "paperwork" I mean a seemingly endless pile of stuff. Though not much has changed in a year, everything must be updated. Another side effect of it taking longer than a year for placement. On a positive note, I have something to occupy my time while I am waiting!Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-29707533975331663932010-08-12T12:35:00.000-07:002010-08-12T12:46:54.569-07:00One MonthToday we have been waiting 1 month out of our 11 month travel wait. We sit in a good place. Eli is doing well and we received photos and an update today, oh my he is cute! He is growing well and it appears his foster mother is sweet with him, I am so glad. My husband decided to give our daughter and myself a gift on the 12th of every month our acceptance anniversary. Today he gave me a locket, "Faith, Hope, and Love" and it has a cross on the front. Inside, he put tiny new pictures of Eli. I adore my husband, he knows me so well. I look forward to the 2 month mark, he is so creative.<br />As for the official side. Korea has given the approval and our I-600 (declare an orphan as a relative), has been sent in! We hope for the approval soon and just have to maintain our fingerprints at some point in the future. Overall I am feeling good today and praise God for that!Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-30266365128293138092010-08-06T05:14:00.000-07:002010-08-06T05:22:35.744-07:00Hospital?I have been adjusting to what it means to have a child who is mine, yet lives in another country...slightly odd. First the good news, Eli is ours. The paperwork was processed in Korea and all looks good. Yea! The bad news is that he spent 2 weeks in the hopital for his breathing issues and I was notified via email, after he was discharged. Wow! I find my son was in the hospital and there is nothing I can do. I am blessed to have a PICU nurse for a great friend, she reassures me that this is normal for a "27 week-er." SO I keep moving forward and trusting God. What else can I do? How bad I feel for those who must handle and carry everything on their own. So I pray for my kids and I give thanks for the fact that Hannah and Eli are on the same asthma medicine (I have some clue what is going on...), and I trust that God's arms are better than my own. <br />I love the song "Safe in His Arms", I just listen to it and find myself thanking God that Eli is safe in His arms. I am too! Well I better return to watching Curious George, what will my son think of his big sister? I think he will adore her as much as I do.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-54486556139707112992010-07-18T04:26:00.000-07:002010-07-18T04:48:50.518-07:00Loss is GainFor days I have been filled with excitement and anticipation. I have shown Eli's picture to everyone and have felt such joy and trust. I have had a lot of time to adjust to the fact that Eli will not be home until next summer and felt like I had accepted all the "losses" as they say that come with adoption. However, last night I realized that "losses" might be felt over and over throughout. There are no photos of Elijah right after he was born in the hospital, I am not sure there are photos of him prior to his transfer to his foster home. I will miss 2 Christmas mornings with him and not see his first birthday. I cried last night because I did not carry my son and wish I could have, not sure if that makes any sense. <br />I spent some time reading and praying and I kept coming to verses from Philippians 3. But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ," verse 7. Verses 13-14, "Brethren, I do not regard myself as laid hold of it yet, but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I read these words and I cannot help but let go of my losses and trust God's call. If I hold on to all of these things that are "my right", I will never attain all that God has called me to. I must admit my hurt to God and then ask for His help to let go, heal, and move forward. Unfortunately, this is not a one time attitude fix. It is and will be a lifelong process but I am not alone in this process.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-26849420191450640832010-07-13T11:10:00.000-07:002010-07-13T11:25:15.061-07:00My Son<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TDyvdBvqwSI/AAAAAAAAABY/2FwFPZ-Pknc/s1600/elijah_referral2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 158px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qD9UXDmUFp8/TDyvdBvqwSI/AAAAAAAAABY/2FwFPZ-Pknc/s200/elijah_referral2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493458558704599330" /></a><br />I cannot explain the excitement and anticipation I feel today! As many know, yesterday we accepted a referral for our son. We received "the call" a week ago. It was 4:45 and John was finishing up at work. Our son (love saying that)was born at 27 weeks, but was developing very well considering. I tried to hold my heart back because we needed to submit our paperwork to the specialists and make sure there were not further concerns. However, all I could think is "he's the one." The problem is that fear tends to set in whether we want it to or not. 27 weeks is SO early, he was 2.3lbs and it broke my heart and scared to me think of all he had been through without me there to help. But God is good, on Sunday afternoon, John told me he felt we needed to say "yes." Since then I have felt peace because no matter what I am his mom. <br />He is so beautiful and I cannot wait to meet him, to know him, and be able to love him for the rest of his life and mine. Today I have 2 kids. A three year old and a beautiful 8 month old. I have prayed for this day and cannot believe it is here. A friend of mine prayed over the phone for peace regarding our acceptance of the referral and for our son. She thanked God because our son was no longer an orphan. I am so thankful to have Christ in my life, to know that even from this distance I can love my son and Christ will pour that upon him and begin knitting our hearts together. <br />My quiet time yesterday was in the book of Ruth. I am going through the Ruth study by Kelly Minter with some awesome women. In yesterday's study, we focused on the passage that says "wherever you go I will go, your people will be my people and your God my God." How fitting for our first day as a family. My people (family, friends, church) will be his, his Korean heritage will become part of me, and my God will be his God.Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-4559034878922000032010-07-05T06:02:00.000-07:002010-07-05T06:03:23.621-07:00The Reason for GodThe Reason for God<br />Tim Keller<br /><br />"Quoting C.S. Lewis's essay "Is Christianity Hard or Easy?" he depicts normal human striving:<br /><br />The ordinary idea which we all have is that...we have a natural self with various desires and interests...and we know something called "morality" or "decent behavior" has a claim on the self...We are all hoping that when all the demands of morality and society have been met, the poor natural self will still have some chance, some time, to get on with its own life and do what it likes. In fact, we are very like an honest man paying his taxes. He pays them, but he does hope that there will be enough left over for him to live on.<br /><br />The Christian way is different--both harder and easier. Christ says, "Give me ALL. I don't want just this much of your time and this much of your money and this much of your work--so that your natural self can have rest. I want you. Not your things. I have come not to torture your natural self...I will give you a new self instead. Hand over the whole natural self--ALL the desires, not just the ones you think wicked but the ones you think innocent--the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead."<br /><br />Here Lewis works from Kierkegaard's definition of sin. Sin is not simply doing bad things, it is putting good things in the place of God. So the only solution is not simply to change our behavior, but to reorient and center the entire heart and life on God.<br /><br />The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is remain what we call "ourselves" --our personal happiness centered on money or pleasure or ambition--and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do. If I am a grass field--all the cutting will keep the grass less but won't produce wheat. If I want wheat...I must be plowed up and re-sown."Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-45087201023170649842010-07-02T15:02:00.000-07:002010-07-02T15:15:26.729-07:00Heading to 9 monthsWhen we first began the wait for our referrel, I felt confident I could handle it! However, since reaching the 6 month marker of waiting I feel a weight each week day, wondering will today be the day? I long so much to see my baby boy's face and to know the baby that God has for our family. I guess I just want to know that we are heading toward something real and not just wishful thinking and praying. <br />All around me I see women who are expecting a baby the "normal" way and I feel envy. Not because they are pregnant but because daily they have reminders that a baby is in their future and they have a due date. Some might go a week or 2 over their due date, but never are they given an additional 6-9 months...! So since it is now 6pm on Friday, I once again accept that I will not see my child's face this week and I press on to next week with hope.<br />Maybe just maybe it will be the week we get "the call."Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2019382955401088265.post-33893612067221056732010-06-28T06:53:00.000-07:002010-06-28T07:03:14.718-07:00MondaysEvery Monday we call into our adpotion agency and we can listen to a recorded update. These updates include the number of referrels from the last week, any acceptances, and travel information. Usually I am on edge and a bit frustrated on Mondays...first off because I am not sure if there will be good news, bad news, or no news since some weeks it is not updated until Wednesdays...grrrr. Anyway today I am trying something new, I am trying to have faith. I know this seems like something obvious, however it has not been my normal route to take. Throughout this adoption process I have constantly thought "why me?" That "me" focus has taken much of my joy and has made me lose sight of the fact that God put us in this place and He is directing the course. I have NO control in this, but I know who has complete control over our journey. So today I am letting go of my selfish focus and trying to instead allow God to use this situation for His will and not mine. <br />Yesterday at church, our pastor had us come to the cross and put on it any sin or burden we have been carrying. I put my pride at the cross and accepted His will. I feel so free today and really hopeful! Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." I am working on doing that exact thing and trusting that God is fighting for me. How awesome!Waiting4Himhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522295564068957739noreply@blogger.com0