Who will she be?

As I write this I am sipping coffee and listening to the sweet voices of my daughter and niece playing Barbies in the basement. Though it has been almost 3 years since I have chosen to write, I had the urge this morning. Why? Well on Saturday, we turned in our initial application to adopt...for our second time. I feel such a mix of peace and fear, joy and apprehension. This mix feels confusing and yet right. For the last 2 years life has been full of a lot of "new". We moved back to CO, bought a house, and have been working to find normal. I feel like as I sit here, we are living a life that feels very comfortable and perhaps that is the issue. It is easy to sit in my warm home, enjoying the fact my kids bedtimes and wake times are perfectly predictable, and think this is what really matters, comfort. But when you follow Christ, comfortable is rarely good. So the hubs and I have been praying for what God has for us and we believe it is a little girl through the China Waiting Program. Here in CO we have found an amazing agency and we are so happy. But whew...filling out our medical checklist was (again) so hard! So we keep praying for the best God has for us and asking him to show us the way. So I guess what sits in my heart this morning is who will she be? What will she look like? Where is she now? Is she even born at this time? I feel like Mary trying the treasure this moment in my heart because I know it is the start of something wonderful.